I know it’s been awhile. How I have missed out, on so much! My topic “When Lord” is really about a sad subject. One that is hidden, rarely spoken of. It’s here that I can express myself without fear of being judged. Another blogger spoke about the sad subject too. She did so with the “Grace” of the loving mom she is. The subject? Suicide. I write because I am a Child of God, and a mom of a son who completed suicide over 6 years ago. I write today because a mom, I shall call her T, was the first mom I ever knew who’s son suicided a lttle over 10 yrs. ago.
T took her life this past Monday. I am heartbroken over her loss. She sat beside me when my Danny died. When Lord? When will society get it? How many more? Oh how Your heart must grieve. To know You came to earth, robed in human flesh to save All of us, yet still, so many are hurting!
I believe grieving Mom’s are a special kind of women. We trudge on, one day at a time, leaning on God, or whatever to just get by. Yet for those of us who do believe, we learn to lean even harder. Yes, there are so many grief groups, via social media, some are even “underground”. Yet Lord, when? When Lord, will we Really have a voice without fear of judgments, without shame or guilt?
I am afraid God. Of what? Of the dark place! That place that T went. Where my Danny went. Where so many others go and Lord, some don’t come back!! Please God, I’ve been “there” You helped me back. Yet T had suffered 10 long year’s and went there and now she won’t be coming back. When Lord, will the hurting find solace?
When Lord, will my Christian Family really care more? When Lord, will society realize it’s really not the fault of anyone in particular, when one chooses to end their life?
You Lord, are my hiding place. I am not in the dark place no more. When I was stricken with Cancer and them Drs. said “we can try, but it probably won’t work”, You stepped in! You healed me! You still love little old me? When Lord will I really get that? Have You not proven Your love for me time and time again? A thousand times, YES!!!
People may not believe in You Lord, but I do! Perhaps by writing I have answered some or mostly all of my questions. See how good You are?
Lastly Lord, give me the strength to attend T’s viewing. I haven’t been able to go to one since my Danny died. Yet I must get beyond my fears now. Toddler steps, etch a sketched, yet time now to do the unthinkable, again. I am afraid God. But You, can, hold my hand and I will be okay. Keep T’s children in perfect peace. Lord, I wonder sometimes, is suicide contagious?
When Lord? I think I have the answers now… When we get to Your Place!! I can wait though, because you taught me, when I rwally thought I wanted to die because Dan was gone, I really didn’t want to die. I simply wanted out of the emotional pain I was in. Oh Lord, I pray for those in the dark place, please lead them out….